i was told not to move so i stayed quiet for months, i was told not to run so i stayed hushed for years. i’ve held the palm of my mother and father with my baby fingers but no one else’s. i let a mindset hold me back from compromising pride and a few gentlemen who held strong potential to hinder everything i felt about love and excitement and passion. i used to daydream about the staggering thought of stringing all my previous lives together into one timeless life, a life in which throws away all the miserable nights into a separate life and to selfishly bestow it for someone else to handle. i realized what a ridiculous idea that was, but still i dreamt; and that dream faded into a vestige of hope in which i still believe in. i still believe it is possible to live a decades worth of entire days, wasting invaluable minutes, with companions who deserve nothing less than happiness. but i have been prevailing too much time and i have not been handed a significant amount of love for weeks. and being deprived of affection makes me notice things i never wished to notice.