head down, while i watch my heart burying into my flesh and bones like a submarine, feeling low and crying under the immense mass of depression. misery swims to me and attacks me and intoxicates me as i see any sort of words exchanged by you two, however i see nothing but these words! you have no idea how frustrating it is for me to witness this, shouldn’t i already be used to it? maybe i have come to an understanding that i will never be able to free myself from this labrynth and maybe i’ve learned from the cold biting into my skin of these stabbing red walls, how to grasp air from the central of my body while still living inside this chamber.
the difficulty is unbearable, trying to steady my feet on the ground when it feels like i have already inhaled cigarettes of bitterness and the smoke is surrounding me, permanently staining my white shirt. it is not enough of a reason that i love you that i must withstand this forceful pain stabbing at me from every angle every time, maybe it’s time i really do let go.
i am so afraid of being nothing more than a memory, then half a memory; and eventually, nothing at all. not even a single thought.